NOVEMBER is the most challenging month for quite a few of us who want to make people aware about the importance of being tested for testicular and prostate cancer.
“Movember” is that time of year when we also strike. It’s the month when we down our razors and march in the streets with our chests pushed out, and our top lip covered.
The moustache has been hugely popular this Movember. But they do look a bit creepy, don't they... Credit: Getty Images
Some men have to down their shavers at the start of October already to be fully equipped for when crunch time arrives. Others, though, need only three days to cultivate the perfect “Mo”, you know, with the Hulk Hogan handle bars and all.
I’m sort of in-between the two, although I just can’t get my handle bars to appear. A friend told me to try rubbing chicken droppings on the area where the hair won’t grow. I didn’t try it, mainly because I once had a nightmare of a live chicken wearing a Arsenal jersey chasing me down the street.
While I’m quite sure that won’t happen – if it was an Arsenal cock, it probably would have been sold by now – I’m not one to take a chance with my life.
There’s this weird mutual respect when one “Mo-wearing” man nods his head at another when they walk past each other in the street. However, I try not to make eye contact at that point, because that would be even weirder.
But it’s a bad time to try and chat up women for those single men, as some guys’ moustaches make them look like serial killers, or the type of guy who still watches re-runs of Tom Selleck in Magnum PI.
The worst part for me, though, is that it’s damn irritating and itchy. My “Mo” sort of tickles my nose, and triggers my sinuses. And that then involves a lot of rubbing, which isn’t too bright when standing in company, because now you are being seen as a serial killer with allergies – the worst kind.
So, weekends in “Movember” are for staying at home and taking in the sports on the telly. Luckily, there has been some great sports coverage on television this month that kept us and our “Moes” busy.
But wives and girlfriends all over Mzansi will be expecting you to be cleanly shaven tomorrow, December 1, and hitting the beach, a wine estate or a pottery class. The strike is supposed to be over, and the washbasin full of hair.
However, I would advise gents out there to follow my example and soldier on for one more day, one more 24-hour cycle.
Bloemfontein Celtic and Mamelodi Sundowns contest the Telkom Knockout final on Saturday night, and I suspect it’s going to be cracker. It’s going to feature two under-achieving teams with plenty to prove, the re-built Celtic trying to make their way amongst the big boys, while Sundowns want to show that their horrible form in the league is just temporary.
There’s just nothing like the thrills and spills of a cup final, and the Telkom Knockout trophy is one of the sort-after pieces of silverware in the South African game.
So, to ensure you don’t miss out, rather hide your razor and keep the “Mo”. One more day of scratching and itching is going to be worth it, I promise. Next week, you can start with a clean slate, and also a clean face.
TWEETS OF THE WEEK
Bloemfontein Celtic frontman Lennox Bacela is the new king of the one liners ahead of the cup final:
@lennoxbacela: Talk is cheap.
@lennoxbacela: To some it’s merely a dream.
@lennoxbacela: Preparations are the thing of the past now.
WHO TO FOLLOW
@mattyrusike: Kaizer Chiefs striker Matthew Rusike loves to tweet a few motivational quotes once in a while.
*Follow John Goliath on Twitter: @JohnGoliath82