How my wedding greed haunts me

By not asking for extravagant presents, those couples have ended up with something far more precious and long-lasting than anything my gift list could ever have brought me.

By not asking for extravagant presents, those couples have ended up with something far more precious and long-lasting than anything my gift list could ever have brought me.

Published May 23, 2016

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London - We all know weddings are supposed to be about making a commitment to another person, but for some brides (and grooms) it's also a little bit about getting some really great gifts.

I'm ashamed to say that when I got married in May 2008, I was one of those brides. I spent ages choosing which company I would have my wedding list with and wasted hours poring over expensive products, getting a thrill of excitement every time I received an email telling me an item had been bought by one of my guests.

But when I heard about the gobsmacked Mumsnet forum user who had been told by an ungrateful couple that her £100 (about R2 000) cash gift wasn't good enough, I was as shocked and indignant as anyone else. But more than that, I was also filled with a sense of guilt, sadness and regret.

When my husband and I were thinking about where to have our wedding list, I didn't want to be restricted to just one high-street retailer. This is why I created my list with Wrapit, an upmarket firm that allowed you to create an online list from a whole plethora of luxury brands.

At the time, I had a weakness for designer homeware (my three children dictate that most things I choose now have to fulfil the criteria of being wipe-clean and unbreakable), and the idea of ending up with cupboards full of beautiful items to treasure was just too tempting to resist.

We created our list in a minimalist store in Birmingham where a saleswoman wowed me with glossy brochures and crockery samples. I wasn't too bothered how much my guests spent on us but I have to confess that I was seduced by the idea of getting mountains of stuff.

However, it wasn't to be. When we returned from our honeymoon, it quickly became apparent that the gifts I had coveted were never going to arrive.

You see, I never ended up getting my wedding gifts. Not because my guests weren't generous or because I was selfless and didn't ask for any, but because the company I created my list with went into administration at the start of the credit crunch.

The kind and generous presents selected by our friends and family had disappeared into a black hole of debt, along with their money. Now when I think about wedding lists, I feel a tinge of sadness and I wish I'd gone for something far simpler instead.

Looking back now, I wonder if it was a sort of karma. I'd let greed get in the way of the big day and focused too much on material possessions instead of the things that really mattered.

In the end, asking for the moon on a stick brought me nothing but pain. I wish now that I had left it up to our guests to decide whether they gave us a gift instead of trying to micromanage the present-buying process.

Since I married, I've been to weddings where the bride and groom have asked their guests for thoughtful gestures instead of toasters or envelopes stuffed full of cash and I think they may be on to something. One friend asked guests for their favourite recipe to add to a scrapbook while another asked people to contribute a pearl of wisdom.

By not asking for extravagant presents, those couples have ended up with something far more precious and long-lasting than anything my gift list could ever have brought me. I imagine that book of recipes will be looked at and treasured long after the last plate of my designer dinner service would have become chipped and broken.

If I could have my time again, I'd focus on the things that really matter about a wedding - spending time with friends and family and starting a new chapter with someone you love.

Anything else should be a bonus and not an expectation.

 

The Independent

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